Critical Role, Campaign 3: Finding the Magic Again

I’ve been a critter for around 5 years now and I’ve developed rather complex feelings about Critical Role. I got caught up to campaign 1 around episode 80 and I watched live as the campaign reached its close. I loved those characters, particularly Percy and Vex, and I look forward to reuniting with them in the Legend of Vox Machina. I also am tentatively excited about campaign 3 because I liked episode 1 well enough. 

I liked campaign 2 at first, too. When campaign 2 started, I was a closeted genderqueer kid and Mollymauk Tealeaf rocked my whole world. Molly was the first time I’d seen a genderfulid character in anything and I adored him from his first introduction. In those early episodes, I felt campaign 2 was even better than campaign 1 and I couldn’t imagine that changing. 

Then episode 26 happened. Mollymauk Tealeaf died and I stopped watching Critical Role a few episodes later because even thinking about the show would make me weep. I spent over a month feeling like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. It was fiction, Molly was never real, but that didn’t stop my over-invested self from grieving. I can’t watch the beginning of campaign 2 even now; it hurts too much to return to it.

I got back to the show eventually. My devotion to it had evaporated. I like Caleb and Fjord and Beau, but they aren’t Molly. While I may respect Caduceus, he was hardly a substitute for the colorful tiefling I was missing. I remember being irrationally and quietly furious when Taliesin first introduced Caduceus. It was a year or so before I could really see Caduceus’ own merit past the memory of Molly.

I tried to get invested in campaign 2 again and recapture the magic. I tried to find a way to love the show again. Essek helped some, though he was very different from Molly. And Essek wasn’t around much. I never got back to having the weekly excitement over new episodes or that bone deep love of a character. The end of campaign 2 felt like a relief and a let down all at once. It could never be what I dreamed, but it could stop haunting me quite so closely.

Then campaign 3 loomed. I may have loved campaign 1, but campaign 2 left me hesitant about even watching the premiere of campaign 3. I decided to have hope and tuned in despite my uncertainty. At first, I admired the set, along with the new setting of the story, and thought “Oh I can be a casual fan this time around. So far, so good.” Then Taliesin presented a character that knocked my socks off once again: Ashton Greymoore, a punk rock, nonbinary earth genasi barbarian with attitude and cracks sealed with glass and gold. I never stood a chance.

Ashton stole my whole heart and filled the cracks Mollymauk left. They may have low charisma, but this genasi still charmed me in heartbeat. Ashton also filled me with a new kind of fear. Before the premiere, I was afraid I wouldn’t like the new campaign. I was afraid there would be no characters I would love and that the empty feeling from campaign 2 would persist. 

Now I’m afraid of what happens if Ashton dies like Molly did. What if a dozen episodes down the line this nonbinary genasi gets shattered beyond repair? I may like Fresh Cut Grass, but I don’t think the little automaton would be enough to hold me to campaign 3 if Ashton is gone. I like the returning Exandria Unlimited crew fine, but the three of them would be little comfort in the wake of losing the barbarian.

I’ll watch campaign 3 of Critical Role—that much is clear. I’m excited to see what lies ahead and I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. The whole time I’m watching, though, I’ll be braced for tragedy. No one can promise a player character in D&D a happy ending. You love them and they’ll break your heart, but least there’s some magic and joy along the way.